Love The Way You Lie

I can't tell you what it really is, 
I can only tell you what it feels like,
And right now's a steel knife in my wind pipe.
I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight.
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight.
High offa love, drunk from my hate, it's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer,
I suffocate.
And, right before I'm about to drown,
she resuscitates me, she fucking hates me,
and I love it, wait -


Ah, blog, I'm back.

So, not much has been a-happening recently, and frankly, I find myself boring in my own blog so I'm trying not to blog meaninglessly every day (except on Tumblr). I've been thinking about something rather important things...again.
So, people have pointed out to me that i can be very negative about myself, even when it's unintentional. Well, I've examined that, personally. I thought, you know, I have all these REASONS to have a problem with self-worth. I justified it to myself for freaking years. To be fair, there are reasons, there is more than enough justification. But, where does that get me, eh?

So, I said to myself, 'Now, Frankie, a lot of bad stuff may have happened and it may have hurt you badly...but, you're an adult now and you've gotta stop being a little girl about it.'
And, naturally, since I said it to myself, there was no reply, or wise answer...so I went with it.
Y'know, I just kinda thought, I might feel awful about myself, but, at the end of the day...people aren't going to care whether you tell them or not. People care about themselves, and if you hurting will help them, then they're not going to help you out. And, after realising I couldn't just believe there was a good side to everyone, I've come to the conclusion that though it may mean being a bit tougher and not always so easy to agree to the ideas of others, it'll help me in the end.

Though, it's gotta be said: 'No one currrrr 'bout Sam'. That aside, I believe that if anyone truly awesome comes along, they won't need to be told, they'll just know. Naive, I know. But, it's kinda one way or the other...be honest and open with people about who you are and how you feel, or, don't be and don't get hurt.

So, woot for me. It's only taken me 14 years.
Anyway, I just thought I'd write it down, because...haha, you can't tell anyone that stuff directly.
I've thought that maybe, though sometimes it's scary to stand up to the people you care about, as you're worried they just don't care, or you'll lose them...sometimes you just have to. It's not cool for people to treat you badly, and if you don't say anything, you may still have them in your life, but they'll still be hurting you, so...what's the point in them being a part of it? if you're just going to worry, you may as well try and resolve it. Better to try, then be a coward all your life.

In any case, positive me will hopefully become permanent. And, if it doesn't...when I go to university I'll change my name, never visit my old friends and pretend I had a perfectly happy childhood. Bang, done. Then I'll become a spy, or join the army, get shot and it'll be an awesome death. I am joking.

But, I definitely like the idea of a new start at uni. I need to learn to not trust people so easily.

In other news, I've been re-watching True Blood Season one...I preferred Eric's hair is S1, truth be told...it was really hot. But, his accent was a bit too put on. I know Alexander Skagard HAS an accent, but he's putting it on slightly in S1. In S2, it's toned down (like his hair).
Also, I still find the two parts in episodes 3 and 4 where Sookie's fingering herself (or what looks like it anyway) really kinda creepy and un-necessary to the story. They should have stuck closer to the book with that, because it's out of character. I mean, they got the rest right, how Sookie shies away from intimate moments or 'rude' talk at Merlotte's. That part, it's a visual representation of the nervousness Charlaine Harris describes in the books. Then consider, though Sookie's a telepath and knows all the dirty things everyone's thinking, she's a virgin, she's 25 and is terrified of intimacy with men, and thinks anything sexual, or sexual thoughts are bad, because she's Christian. A Christian in Louisianna. Need I say more to prove that she wouldn't just be like 'Oh, yeah, I think I'll finger myself on the front porch of the vampire I fancy's house'. Errr...no.
Also, Anna Paquin...why?! Just...why? Personally, she didn't present herself as an amazing actress in the X-Men series to me. I mean, Rogue was my favourite character...but, I was nine, and at an age where all my favourite characters were girls because they were girls. Then I realised, duh, one you get to a certain age you fancy boys so...then all your favourite characters are men. So, now that I'm older, I see that I only thought she was cool because of her name, and the fact she was the only young girl on the good team.
Now it's Logan...God, Logan. Hugh Jackman...phwoar. Anyway, that aside, AP was VERY good in Fly Away Home, and I still love that film. But, i can't see why she got a gap between her teeth for TB.

That just strikes me as vain. Because, it's claimed that people find people with gaps between their front teeth more attractive, and certainly men apparently find it more sexually attractive. Even if that's so...I still think that Anna Paquin looks ridiculous with that massive gap between her front teeth. if it were subtle, it'd probably look awesome, but she's actually got quite small lips so it makes her teeth look like they're going to fall out. Not attractive. Her smile isn't all that nice either, and even as a straight girl i can tell when a girl has a nice smile. She's not one of them. The whole point of Sookie is she's this bubbly, blonde with a massive but lovely smile but everyone thinks she's crazy. Certainly, AP manages to act a bit queer even when she's around the vampires, which strikes me, she's probably just weird to begin with, nothing to do with telepathy.

I don't know, I know it all sounds very bitchy about an actress, but I'm not satisfied with how she plays her character. I mean, I LOVE TB, but...the first season was a bit off. Why was Tara such a bit character? She's not even in the first book for more than five minutes. And, Lafyette, he dies at the end of the first book...why's he in S2? And, all that crap about Tara's mum and deamons...that was so irritating, because they made a bunch of crap up to go along with the character of Tara and it made it stupid. Tara does have two alcoholic parents, and siblings that have left before her. But, she's not living with her mum in the books...and actually Tara runs her own clothes shop and is very polite. There's no one like TV-Tara in the books. Also, Jessica never exists in the books. Eric's maker isn't Godric. And, just generally...there are some big flaws in how they chose to tell the story.

On another note, I wasn't surprised when AP married Stephen Moyer.

To be honest, I can't be bothered to finish this right now, so another time, I'll continue on other shows.

The Drug In Me Is You

My bodies tremblin' sends shivers down my spine
adrenaline kicks and shifts into overdrive,
your secrets keep you sick your lies keep you alive
snake eyes every single time you roll with crooked dice
I felt the darkness as it tried to pull me down
the kind of dark that haunts a hundred year old house
I wrestle with my thoughts I shook the hand of doubt
running from my past i'm praying feet don't fail me now!

I've lost my god damn mind, 
it happens all the time,
I cant believe I'm actually
meant to be here,
trying to consume,
the drug in me is you
and I'm so high on misery
cant you see!

Hello, blog,
It's been a while.
It comes to something when you're writing a blog entry simply because you realise the only friend you have who give a crap is actually a tonne older than you...and has kids. I feel like a bloody housewife sometimes, considering only actual adults seems to enjoy talking to me! What's that about, eh?
And, then you start listening to 'Somewhere Only We Know', and you want to cry, because it's like the theme song to the end of everything, and Harry Potter is over, and you've seen it twice since Midnight on the 15th. The world is just tumbling, and winding itself into some strange mass of confused thought and you just don't know what you're doing any more. You don't know who your friends are, because they're all so two-faced, and it feels like they're ignoring you...it's oppressive, like the walls are closing in on you...and you just can't breathe. And, then the S key on your keyboard keeps not working, and it's a shame because S is quite useful at the end of some words.

Well, I mean, I know I have friends...but, when there are things you need to say, and you can't say them because there's always something holidng you back...and before you know it it's either too late, or you have to hurt someone.
I guess, since only one person reads my blog, really, it's not a big deal to spill what's been going on in my life.

Okay, so...literally...why are men so complicated? You always hear people say 'Men are simple.' to quote Gerard Butler's character in The Ugly Truth, anyway. So, if men are so 'simple' why can't they just be blunt, and honest, and not mess you around? I mean, seriously...films, and men make out that everything they're after is sex...just sex. But, at the end of the day, seperate from that, I know so many boys who've walked away from things purely sexual, or people they feel don't have emotionally attachments to them. So, why is it different the other way around?

I'm pretty sure I'm just ranting, but I've recently realised some important things, mainly that I am quite unhappy right now...no surprises there. But, honestly, why can't people be more straight-forward.
My friend made a move on me and he has a girlfriend, my other friend asked me on a date because his best friend likes me, my friend's ex keeps flirting with me, and the person I actually like? Yeah, seems to be ignoring me. What the hell. And, now I'm seriously missing Jamie, but I haven't spoken to him in ages, and I'm worried he's caught up in something fishy again, and I don't want anything to happen to him.

At the end of the day, I think...I need to get away from everyone who's messing things up. I don't know how I manage to give people the wrong idea...I mean, because I had a conversation with someone it means I like them? So, they started hitting on me? What?!
What am I supposed to do, and how do you tell someone who's your friend in a nice way that they're making you feel uncomfortable by being all over you? And...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Just want things to be okay...no drama, no worrying, no ignoring or having to say goodbye to someone because they're not honest with you. I don't want to have to go through shutting a friend out of my life because of nothing of any relevence.

I hate Keane now. Blah, blah, blah. Die in a fire, life. This rant never happened.