The Drug In Me Is You

My bodies tremblin' sends shivers down my spine
adrenaline kicks and shifts into overdrive,
your secrets keep you sick your lies keep you alive
snake eyes every single time you roll with crooked dice
I felt the darkness as it tried to pull me down
the kind of dark that haunts a hundred year old house
I wrestle with my thoughts I shook the hand of doubt
running from my past i'm praying feet don't fail me now!

I've lost my god damn mind, 
it happens all the time,
I cant believe I'm actually
meant to be here,
trying to consume,
the drug in me is you
and I'm so high on misery
cant you see!

Hello, blog,
It's been a while.
It comes to something when you're writing a blog entry simply because you realise the only friend you have who give a crap is actually a tonne older than you...and has kids. I feel like a bloody housewife sometimes, considering only actual adults seems to enjoy talking to me! What's that about, eh?
And, then you start listening to 'Somewhere Only We Know', and you want to cry, because it's like the theme song to the end of everything, and Harry Potter is over, and you've seen it twice since Midnight on the 15th. The world is just tumbling, and winding itself into some strange mass of confused thought and you just don't know what you're doing any more. You don't know who your friends are, because they're all so two-faced, and it feels like they're ignoring you...it's oppressive, like the walls are closing in on you...and you just can't breathe. And, then the S key on your keyboard keeps not working, and it's a shame because S is quite useful at the end of some words.

Well, I mean, I know I have friends...but, when there are things you need to say, and you can't say them because there's always something holidng you back...and before you know it it's either too late, or you have to hurt someone.
I guess, since only one person reads my blog, really, it's not a big deal to spill what's been going on in my life.

Okay, so...literally...why are men so complicated? You always hear people say 'Men are simple.' to quote Gerard Butler's character in The Ugly Truth, anyway. So, if men are so 'simple' why can't they just be blunt, and honest, and not mess you around? I mean, seriously...films, and men make out that everything they're after is sex...just sex. But, at the end of the day, seperate from that, I know so many boys who've walked away from things purely sexual, or people they feel don't have emotionally attachments to them. So, why is it different the other way around?

I'm pretty sure I'm just ranting, but I've recently realised some important things, mainly that I am quite unhappy right now...no surprises there. But, honestly, why can't people be more straight-forward.
My friend made a move on me and he has a girlfriend, my other friend asked me on a date because his best friend likes me, my friend's ex keeps flirting with me, and the person I actually like? Yeah, seems to be ignoring me. What the hell. And, now I'm seriously missing Jamie, but I haven't spoken to him in ages, and I'm worried he's caught up in something fishy again, and I don't want anything to happen to him.

At the end of the day, I think...I need to get away from everyone who's messing things up. I don't know how I manage to give people the wrong idea...I mean, because I had a conversation with someone it means I like them? So, they started hitting on me? What?!
What am I supposed to do, and how do you tell someone who's your friend in a nice way that they're making you feel uncomfortable by being all over you? And...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Just want things to be okay...no drama, no worrying, no ignoring or having to say goodbye to someone because they're not honest with you. I don't want to have to go through shutting a friend out of my life because of nothing of any relevence.

I hate Keane now. Blah, blah, blah. Die in a fire, life. This rant never happened.